Good Enough Is Not Enough — I Want To Be Better!

I really went through so much trying to figure out what to write this week and of the countless subjects I could have picked, all that kept coming to me was my own inner desire to be so much more than I am.

Most people have no idea how powerful they are. Either in a positive or a negative way. We all have bad days and don’t always pay attention to how we are treating other people. Sometimes, it just doesn’t occur to us how we are making people around us feel. And when it may cross our minds, many times we are way too immersed in our own problems to care about anyone else.

Likewise, sometimes we don’t know how deeply we are impacting someone positively. Very small gestures of kindness can go such a long way. How often do we actually make a point of reaching out to people around us or even simply smiling?

I vividly remember one incident when I was 17, that to this day I hold dear. That year overall was a remarkable one for me. I graduated high school, moved into an apartment with my sister and was working at a small convenience store in Missouri. I felt so grown-up and in charge of my life. At the same time, the realities of paying my own way in life were weighing heavy on me. (Some fun facts: I made $2.05 an hour. Our rent was $105 per month for a one bedroom apartment.)

One day I was working and ringing up groceries. I was feeling very overwhelmed and depressed. However, I was always committed to being friendly at work and greeting each customer appropriately. At some point, a woman in her 40’s walked up to the counter with just a few groceries. I greeted her, rang her up, bagged her groceries, gave her change, and told her to have a nice day. She started to leave, then she turned back to me, looked me straight in the eye and said, “Everything IS going to be okay. It may seem overwhelming right now, but you will get through this.” Then she turned and walked away. She spoke with such an air of authority and wisdom.

I was stunned. For so many reasons. First, because I just was not used to random acts of kindness from anyone really, let alone a stranger. Second, because I could not believe she was so psychic that she knew I felt bad (looking back, it is quite possible that it was written all over my face, despite my best efforts to hide it). Third, I really thought she was an angel in disguise, because my entire being lightened up. I felt like everything really was going to be okay.

This woman may never have known how profoundly she affected me that day. She taught me so many things in a span of about 45 seconds. She taught me that you can help another person, with a very small effort. She taught me that you can even help a stranger. She taught me that miracles can happen when you are willing to follow your heart’s voice. She so easily could have just continued walking out the door, the moment lost. I have sent that woman a whole lot of love and gratitude all these years later. And all because she decided to step out of her comfort zone to offer words of comfort to another human being.

How many times have you let a moment like this pass you by?

I know for myself that any walls in my heart are no longer an option. Although it seems to fall so short of how I feel, I wrote my prayers to the universe below.

I want so much, to be so much better today then yesterday. I want my heart to soar and sing praises of love and joy. I want it to pour its’ salve into every wound in the world. I want it to reassure loneliness and to restore brokenness. Anything less than me being unconditionally loving is unacceptable to me. I don’t want to be just ‘good enough’.

I want my words to carry the message of hope. I want to speak truth and love in a universal language. I want the sound of my voice to pierce through any darkness. I don’t want any words of separation or lack to cross my lips. I don’t want to be just ‘good enough’.

I want my compassion to break through barriers of countries, races, religions and class.
I want it to eliminate separation in the world, to turn anger to tears, and to create smiles and laughter.

I want my soul to be fully vested in my every moment. I want to be absolutely present in the world. I refuse to allow any moment of unconsciousness to add pain to the world.
I don’t want to be just ‘good enough’!

I send all of you my deepest love and prayers for your happiness and well-being!

Love, Sivan