Build Your Desire to Love

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Sivan delves into the power of our desire to be a loving person. She explains how to use desire to open our hearts and how the people around us can guide us there as well. Sivan provides a practice that will allow you to have a grounded sense of self and offer a different experience in the world.

Webcast Transcript Courtesy of Sivan Garr

I’m so excited to be spending Valentine’s evening with all of you. It is such a precious gift to me. I love you all. I am just thrilled that you are someone that is sharing the desire with me to bring love and light into the world. And that is what I want to talk about this evening. I want to talk about the power of desire.

Our world is not perfect, and none of us are perfect. Our ability to love is not perfect, and will never be perfect, because we live in a world and an existence where infinity and eternity exists. Therefore, we know that our love can always grow, and it can always be better. But where we can strive for perfection is within our own inner desire to be a loving person. Our desire to bring love and bring light to the planet, into ourselves and the world around us. Building that desire is something we can actually focus on. We can build it; we can turn it into something that begins to have a power of it’s own. We know that when we desire something, our mind starts to work on how to get it. If we desire a particular job, our mind starts to go through the process of deciding what are the things that I need to do to get that job. If we desire to go on a trip somewhere, our mind starts to plan and create pictures of being there, getting there, how it’s going to work? What are we going to do when we get there?

Likewise, if we desire to love, and we focus on building that desire into perfection, for as close as we can come to that, then we know that our mind and our whole being is going to begin working in such a way that we see what the next steps are to getting there. Our mind actually gives us feedback. Life gives us feedback about what to do, where to go. We start to be able to discern, what is love? What isn’t love? When are we loving? What are those qualities that are so vital for us to remember. It’s so important. I work with people on this subject every day. And every day, people forget how to see whether or not they’re bringing love to the planet. And if they do see that they are not bringing love, they forget why it’s so important. And they start to prioritize different things.

As a result of building our desire to open our hearts and be loving, one of the things that begins to happen, is that we begin to attract challenges that take us out of our heart. We begin to attract people whose interaction with us, or behavior, takes us out of our hearts. These experiences are brought to us, not to test us, or, you know, to bring burdens upon us. They are literally brought to us as a response from life, to our desire that we’re building, and that we are growing and we are projecting out into the universe. Then life responds and says, “Okay, one of the first things that we need to experience and get clear about when we’re building a life of love, is where we are not loving, and where our hearts are blocked or closed or shut down, or limited or inactive.

When we are greeted with a situation that feels so painful, or so humiliating, or embarrassing or difficult or challenging, in any way, we can begin to see inside of us how that’s directly connected to a blocked area in our heart. We can see how we retreat, how we contract, and pull in. And when we focus on that area, we can start to see something about ourselves that is really closed in our hearts.

Likewise, when there is a person brought to us that we’re interacting with, and we’re having all kinds of reactions to, we’re provoked by, maybe they annoy us, maybe we just can’t stand them, maybe they dredge up all sorts of negativity inside of us. That person may be there to be your mirror. That’s not an easy pill to swallow. Because when there is somebody in front of us that we don’t like, we do not want to believe at all costs, that they’re reflecting something to us about ourselves. It’s very painful.

But when you find that you’re really a person that’s pushing and pushing this desire to be loving out into the world, then when someone comes into your life that dredges up all of that energy of annoyance and dislike, and there’s no way out of this relationship — you either work with them, or they are your roommates, or there’s something else that has you two stuck together — then that’s the perfect moment to stop and self-reflect. And not just throw it under the carpet and say, “Okay, you know, these are just things I don’t like about people, and I know my heart is blocked there, because I judge those types of people. And I know I need to try to love them. But it’s not me. It’s just my judgment.” This is not correct. I know this is difficult to see, but your whole life will open up when you’re willing to begin to take in what I’m saying about this and practice investigating whether or not something you do not like about someone else, is a part of you.

The truth is, if someone comes into your life like that, there’s some part of you that is like that.  That part might be oppressed. It might be suppressed. It might be inactive. It might be hidden under rocks, or in the deepest cobwebbed area of your heart, but it is there. In order to be able to heal that part, and be able to shine light in that part of your heart and open up, you have to be willing to see it. When a reflection of that comes into our lives, even though we don’t like it, it is a gift, a gift from life and the universe, and the Divine.

I’ll give you an example. I had a type of person that really provoked me more than any other type.  They provoked my jealousy, my judgment, my annoyance, everything. I would try to like this person — by the way this person could have been anyone, because I attracted this person in my life, at least one person in my life at a time, over and over and over again. When I consciously started my path, I attracted three of these people in my life at the same time, and in situations that I could not get out of. So, at every point I turned in my life this person was in front me.

I asked myself, what are the qualities that I don’t like about this person? The qualities that I perceived that I judged were:  they manipulated other people with their supposed helplessness and I perceived them as weak. I also felt that they perceived themselves as weak. I perceived them as very selfish and not caring about other people. All of these things were very painful to me. On one hand, I felt jealous, like, wow, I wish I could challenge the world, and manipulate the world to take care of me the way that they do. Or, I wish I could feign this helplessness, or whatever they were doing.  I had all kinds of feelings and thoughts and experiences happening towards these people.

One day, I decided that life was trying to tell me something, and I was missing it. Sure, I thought that I knew that I judged weakness. And I thought, I got that I judged selfishness. But then I asked myself, why are they still here in my life? Why am I still having a reaction to them?

So I sat down in prayer and meditation, and I asked the Divine at the deepest levels, in the deepest way, “Please show me what is it that I’m missing? What is it that I’m not seeing that you, Divine, are trying to show me by bringing these people into my life?” I cannot tell you the level of shock I got when I suddenly saw these qualities inside of myself. It was simultaneously shocking, eye-opening, heartbreaking and devastating, all at the same time.

It was devastating, that I had projected the hatred I had towards that part of myself into the world. Heartbreaking, because I saw the amount of actual hatred that I had towards myself, that I had totally been missing. Shocking and eye-opening because I was missing it. I saw that when I was younger, I realized very clearly that if I were to try to conquer the world, or be successful in the world with those qualities of helplessness and weakness, I wouldn’t survive.

So I shoved that weakness down into a little tiny place inside of myself. And I built what I perceived as a strong personality, or a strong sense of myself. But I never bothered to go back and rescue the part of me that felt weak, and somehow work with healing it.

When I saw those things, I did not know what to do next. I knew that as long as I had hate in my heart, that love could not co-exist with it. I knew that somehow I had to figure out how to allow that part to be, to breathe, to heal, to feel loved. It was a struggle. I saw this part, and it looked very dark, it looked hidden away, and I could completely see how it was blocking my heart’s ability to receive and give love. Yet I wanted that more than anything. I desired that more than anything.

I simultaneously allowed this part a more central position in my consciousness and I built my desire to be a loving person. That desire to be loving, demanded that I question myself. It was actually wonderful having it simultaneously inside of me and reflected from these three people outside of me, because I could work on trying to figure out how to be loving inside — which could prove to be difficult, because that part might not be easy always to see — and outside towards those people, which made it very vivid.

The reflection was just amazing and perfect. As I tried to be loving to the inside, I could simultaneously try to be loving to the outside, and simultaneously build my desire to be a loving person and understand that that could not happen with my extreme judgment to these parts. I slowly worked through this with relaxation, peacefulness and surrender, and began to allow love to flow in my heart towards the weak part and then out towards others that reflected that weak part. Of course, it was a process. It was such an amazing and powerful experience that got repeated many times, with many different parts of myself.

This can be an amazing and powerful practice this week. I would love us to do it together. Anytime we feel provoked or judgmental or annoyed, or somehow negative towards another person, let’s all take that opportunity to ask ourselves to find that same exact quality inside of us. Then to take that quality once we find it, and bring love to it, as much as we possibly can.

Now let’s go back to building our desire. We can practice that as well, on a moment-to-moment basis. Every time we feel out of tune, or depressed or reactive or negative, we can ask ourselves, how much do I desire love, in this moment? How much do I desire to be loving, in this moment? As you see the answer come, and you feel it, not just see it, but feel it. Feel yourself either resisting and pushing it away, or embracing it, and saying yes to it. Whatever parts you see resisting and pushing away, ask yourself, can I build my desire to be love, and loving, and make it stronger than that resistance? And continue that, over and over, and over again, throughout the day.

You will see as you build the desire to love, life will not only bring you reflections of where you are not loving, or situations in which your love vanishes, but life will also bring you next steps. It will bring you the answers. It’ll kind of open up like flower petals. Life will open up like flower petals in showing you how love feels, how love might guide you, how love might feel like inside. How love helps support you in healing and creating beautiful connections, and allowing you to have a more powerful and grounded sense of self.

This can be a part of your prayer practice. We’ve talked in the past about the power of prayer. And that’s one of the tools that we have to invite the Divine into our lives, to permeate every corner of our being, and give us an upliftment so that we can become strong forces of good, positivity, light and love on the planet.

With purpose, with prayer and with all my heart, I’m sending each of you so much love, and I’m holding each of you in the brightest light. I am praying for each of you to become your highest form of light and love on this planet. And to be able to powerfully project that light and love through your personal personality and gifts.

I’m also sending love to the whole planet. Valentine’s Day isn’t a happy day for everyone. It can be a very lonely day. So I’m also sending so much love to all corners of the world and humanity. That for anyone who’s possibly in need, that this love uplifts them, and let’s them know they’re not alone, and that they’re loved, as each of us are. I love all of you so much, and appreciate each of you, and I appreciate you spending this time with me. It means a lot to me.


Build Your Desire to Love
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