Epic Fails

There is something magnificent about imperfection, silliness, goofyness and the all around ability to just BE!

How much of my young life, and how much effort and how much drama, and how much desperation did I put into being “Cool!”?

Oh man! I strived to be cool, the coolest of cools like no other.

Yet, invariably, every single time I was having a moment, like, “I am just the coolest ever!” life would create a big FAIL!

Most of the time I would be walking down the street and feel ultra cool and suddenly I would trip. This would wake me up out of my coolness. I had other times when the lack of cool went so far past tripping! I had moments of falling in big crowds, I had a moment of bumping into the ‘most important person at the party’, on a very empty dance floor, I had moments of totally putting my foot in my mouth when many people were listening!

Essentially, I felt that at every turn God was saying to me, “Sivan, you just don’t get to be cool in this lifetime.” Now, I did see people I thought were cool. One of my cousins was a hippie and I just thought he and his girlfriend were so cool! But, I was not destined for a life of coolness. I eventually gave up the goal of being “the coolest person in the world” but still I was stifled. I did not want to look stupid dancing or have everyone make faces when I sang too loud (and possibly out of tune), or sound too idiotic in any conversation. So, more often than not I became still and quiet, holding back the real loud and crazy person inside!

Finally, I decided that life was too short, and I could sing or dance or be loud and silly – and if I was not cool then that would simply have to be okay with me.

I found such freedom in this approach and, by doing so, I also revealed the futility of my extreme disposition to judge not only myself, but also others.

I knew deep inside that I wanted to be a part of a world infused with extreme and creative individual self-expression, however it would look!




Epic Fails
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