Choose Who You Want to Be

Webcast Transcript Courtesy of Sivan Garr

I know that this is a very weird time where everyone is home and wondering what’s happening going through your own personal process around everything. Also, I’m sure confronting the same and similar day-to-day life issues.

I’ve been talking this past week about the concept that we do have a say in our destiny. There are certain things of course that cannot be changed. We don’t always know exactly what those are and aren’t. We do know we can’t change the past.

But in terms of our future and the future of humanity, under the conditions that we’re living in right now, we do have the power to shift our direction. Each person who brings and initiates a positive and open-hearted intention is vital and impactful in the world. Regardless of whether you’re in your house and just creating the movement inside of yourself and the intention in the world, or if you’re out in the world.

I’ve talked last week about the importance of each one of us healing ourselves, as a remedy to healing the whole of humanity. I want to further clarify that by saying, this is a shortcut to growing, evolving, and healing. The concept is to be able to hold two truths, two realities inside of you, at the same exact time. That while you are feeling the trauma, or the anger, or the fear, or anything else of a negative emotion inside of you, that you at the very same time, have this little piece of peace inside of you. You begin to grow that peace, while you’re still going through whatever you’re going through.

It’s no different than imagining that it’s raining outside, and you can’t go out and do the things that you wanted to do. But you still want to have a joyful day. So you reimagine what that joyful day might look like. Instead of going to the beach, you might stay home and do something wonderful that you have not done in a while that you’ve thought about. It could be anything.

That’s where we want to get to. We want to get to the place where we’re able to, within the circumstances that we’re in, find that peace, find that happiness, find a joyful direction.

That’s what I’ve been talking about for the past week. Tonight, what I want to talk about is the idea of making a powerful decision, an immovable decision. In order for things to change, as we’ve talked about, we have to change. We have to create that direction in our everyday actions, not just our thoughts, not just our intentions, but thoughts and intentions have to move into actions.

This is an interesting time where we have time to reflect, we have time to ponder all of what brought us here now, whether that’s globally or just personally, because we have time to reflect on our lives and ask ourselves, who is it that we want to be that we’re not? This is in the privacy of our own home and the privacy of our own mind. There’s no one to judge you. It’s important to be able to tell yourself the truth and not imagine that you’re somebody you’re not or that you’re somewhere that you’re not on your path. But to really see where you are, and then create a very clear picture of who you want to be. Mostly we’re talking about being a person who brings love, positivity, kindness, and compassion to the planet. You can use any of those words and create any ideas around that.

When I was younger, in my early 20s, I really had every desire and every intention to create this amazing, powerful life. Yet I would get caught up in what everybody else gets caught up in; making a living, trying to get housework done, raising my children. I was remembering that I would have these moments where I would get sick. My daughter’s, when they were young and were first in school; they got colds, flus and all kinds of things. I would get everything they got. I would get so sick, even if it was just for a day or two. Sometimes the symptoms I would get would be very weird. I remember one occasion in which I got this really horrible tickle in my throat, and it wouldn’t stop. I would drink something, it wouldn’t stop. I was taking cough medicine, it wouldn’t stop. I took another kind of cough medicine, it wouldn’t stop. I literally thought I was going to go crazy because of this tickle.  I remember praying and praying and saying, “Okay, God, if only you take this away, I’m going to change everything. I’m going to pay way more attention to who I am, how I treat people, and what I’m bringing to the world. I’m going to become a much better person, much kinder person.”

Then I would get well, and what would happen? I’d go back to my normal life. I would get angry at the same things. I would get annoyed for the same reasons. The commitment to be that different person, it was somewhere in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t pull it back into the present. It felt like I could only pull that deep, deep, deep desire for something better when I was facing something very difficult. Which, of course, if you look at everything right now that’s happening, there are some wonderful things happening out there, wonderful meditation groups, wonderful prayer groups, which I support, and I love and I think it’s wonderful. This is something that could go away. Our intention around these things could go away as the kind of urgent situation that we’re in right now goes away.

If we want to use this time wisely, not only use this time wisely, but bring our very best self to this time, then we have to create some very, very intense, commitment, intention, and deep, deep inner decision about who we want to be. Then work with it each and every day.

Earlier today in one of my sessions, someone told me that they were experiencing a set of beliefs that were negative, that were becoming stronger and stronger inside of themselves. The person was telling me this as if they did not believe they had a choice. Most of us know that we do all have negative beliefs about ourselves in the world and pieces of our identity that we feel are negative. We know that there are some underlying, subconscious, unconscious belief systems that we don’t even know about. However, on some level, we are in charge of every single thing that we think and every single thing we believe. The more conscious we become, the more capable we are of deepening, intentionally, what we are consciously choosing to believe and be. If there are negative beliefs in you, it’s first because a part of you chose to have them. It’s not by accident.

Second, if you say, “Well, I really don’t want to believe those things, but they’re in there anyway.” Then it means that you just aren’t paying attention to what is happening in your subconscious and unconscious. You’re not working towards eradicating what doesn’t work and installing what does work. That’s the work we’re going to look at doing today.

Imagine that you create an intention to be a person that loves no matter what, that finds your way back to your heart, no matter what. In every situation, you’re able to keep returning to your heart, for guidance, for grounding, and for healing. That you want to make as a very firm decision.

When we start thinking about things like this, two things happen. The first thing that happens is the mass unconsciousness of the ego keeps washing over us and kind of forcing us to forget that that’s what we wanted. We go back into our patterned behaviors and responses.

We have to create all kinds of things in order to remember our decision, in order to remember who it is that we want to be. This week, I’m going to suggest some fun homework. That homework is: I want you to get a piece of paper and write on the piece of paper in a way that’s personal to you, who you want to be in the world. What is that core decision that you want to make of how you want to show up and go forward in the world? Write it in a beautiful way on a piece of paper. You can use different colors or you can even type it on your computer and print it.

Then I want you to place the piece of paper on the floor, put your feet next to it, and take a picture on your phone. After that you can either print the picture out, or just keep looking at it on your phone or your computer as much as you possibly can. Connect that decision to your feet. Your feet being very grounded, very solid, and connecting you to the earth. You want your ideas to be immobile, immovable. Connect that decision with every step you take. As you move your feet forward, you’re moving forward the decision to be a person who loves no matter what.

Bring creativity into your path. Find ways that you can make those deep decisions and dig them deeper into the very depths of your psyche, so that your go-to, your automatic behavior, and response is what you want it to be. Not what some unconscious part of you has stored away. This will be one practice this week.

The second thing that happens once we make this immovable decision, is that life starts to show us where we are not who we want to be. Often, at this point, people get frustrated and imagine that they’re doing something wrong because they’re just not loving, or they continue to be irritated, or angry, or something. The truth is, if we want to become that loving force in this world, we have to see where we are not, where we are blocked, where we are storing pain, where we’re storing trauma, and how that pain and trauma is actually creating a block to manifesting our love in this world. It could be a block where we can see that we just can’t love in a certain circumstance. Or that love isn’t available to us, towards a certain person. Or it could be that we just see that we have a general wall of protection where our love goes so far, but we don’t want to open our hearts all the way because we are afraid of what we would let in.

Either way, our work is to see what’s blocking and work towards healing and opening the blocked areas. In the case where you see that there’s just no way to open your heart in a certain circumstance, then you could create a series of questions. Those questions might look like curiosity, like, “Hey, if I was loving, I wonder how I would feel right now in this circumstance?” Or, “If my heart was open, what would my heart say to do?” Or, “How would my heart direct me to speak?” Or, “How would love make my body feel?” There’s an unlimited amount of questions we could ask ourselves when we’re learning about love. It’s vital and important in the process because love isn’t just a thought. It’s not just words. Love is so much more than that.

Love is a force. It’s a power. Our connection to that force is based in our heart. As we recognize it and open up to it, we begin to learn what the principles are, what it is, how it works, how it feels and the miracles that it can create.

We want full access to it. We don’t want it to be something that’s just invisible to us. We want to see the results of what love can do right in front of us and inside of us. So our mind has to be engaged around it often, as much as we can remember. Through this process, you will begin to see that love is a guide. That’s part of what love does, love guides us to the best case resolution, the best case of peace. Love can guide us through this circumstance that we’re in now. Not just guide us through it, but guide us in such a way that wherever we end up after all this is over, is going to be in a better place. We can use love to mitigate the suffering and loss that could potentially happen and actually is happening now.

If we begin to see that we have love, but it stops; that we have some sort of protection around us, it’s important to know that that protection still reflects some fear and some pain inside of us. We can refer back to inside our hearts and find, what is that pain? What is that fear? And again, how can we use our questions and our inquiry to find out what love would say and what love would share with us in those situations.

If you don’t get answers right away, it’s okay. This is a process. It should be fun and it should be light. It’s important for you to be patient, and patient with yourself. Have fun with feeling grounded in your decision. This is a time where each one of you can use every moment in an incredible way to purify your heart, to grow in ways you didn’t know was possible, and to evolve and heal much, much faster than you may have otherwise. Not just because we’re being faced with this very intense challenge of this pandemic. Not just because we may have the time, because we’re staying home. But because there’s also an opening for us from the forces of good and the forces of positivity in the world and the universe that is supporting our work like never before.

I just want you to know how important each one of you are to me, how much I love you. I am praying that each one of you is not just staying safe, feeling warm, and protected, but each one of you is finding your wild strength and your own spiritual healing in this process.