Be the First to Love

Webcast Transcript Courtesy of Sivan Garr

I’m super excited to be with you here today, and I am hoping that all of you are surrounded by love and warmth and goodness in your life at this time, and I’m sending all of you prayers and love and so much appreciation and gratitude for being a part of making something good happen in the world.

The last two weeks, we’ve been inundated with even more negativity and more negative news. There are so many things that are happening in the world for us to be afraid of, or worry about, or bad things that seem to be getting bigger. And that’s exactly why we’re here. It’s exactly why we’re doing this.

Now this week and last week, the Coronavirus has been talked about in the news. This is a global phenomena that is catching our attention, and indicating to us that we need, as a human race, and as individuals, to do something different. We are also seeing the politics and the results of climate change.

We know that there’s something we have to bring to our lives and each other that is called a transformation, that will have the ability to start creating a wave in a different and new positive direction. We’re talking about this transformation from every angle. We’re talking about how we can really alter our entire insides, heal ourselves and become individuals that have the ability to emit and project love into the world, in a powerful way, and create a ripple effect.

So I want to talk about a few different angles that we can think about while we’re creating this movement. Remember that all of the things that are happening in the world, are either out of our own mass ego, negativity, or they’re just life events, and at the same time, whether we need to change who we are, or whether we need to learn to respond from a heart-centered place to the difficulties and challenges that are being brought to us, anyway we look at it, the way that we’re going to change the direction of the world at large is to change ourselves. After working with changing ourselves or even simultaneously, the next thing that we have to do is to work on what it means to live a life of love and service.

These are the things that are so important. Another piece of this and another angle that’s important to look at, is the fact that all of these things that are happening—the politics, even the climate change, the things that are happening all around us all the time, whether it’s some kind of disenfranchisement of a certain population or, people starving, or any negativity — it is a reflection of us, as a human race, a reflection of where our hearts are closed.

We can see that in our own lives by experiencing the moments that we feel challenged; the moments we feel annoyed. The moments we feel angry at somebody for something they did. The moments we feel shut down, the moments we feel stuck. The moments we feel irritated, the moments we feel righteous, the moments we feel just justified. All of these moments are moments that are being given to us, so that we can actually begin to see, “Wow, this is a place where my heart’s not open. And now I can sit and I can focus on that one area and begin to open my heart there.”

The concepts that I want to talk about tonight, one: Be the first. Almost all of us, to some degree, are waiting for something. We’re waiting for somebody to see us, discover us, fall in love with us, heal us, help us, feed us, something, we’re waiting for people to take the first step towards us. To be kind or to approach us at a party. If we’re out in the world, hiking on a trail somewhere, we’re waiting for the person that’s going to say hi to us, and for someone to be kind in some way to us. But we know that if the whole world is waiting, and waiting and waiting for somebody to take the initial first step, we know that it’s not going to happen.

So how do we deal with that? How do we hold that inside of ourselves? Because I know that for myself, in the distant past, and I know for others that one of the things we say is, “Okay, well if I’m the one who’s gonna be the first, and take the first step and and offer myself in a loving way to the world, well what about me? What am I getting out of this?” So it’s really an incredible adjustment to make, to see that our initiating the steps for friendship, the steps for love, for warmth, for goodness, for compassion, for generosity, for kindness, for so many different things, is a gift. It’s our gift, not a gift to the world. It is a gift to the world, but that’s not the most important way to see it. The gift is the gift to ourselves.

I just read an interesting article. The article talks about a woman who worked at a bank in Portland. A man who had an account at this bank had deposited his paycheck.  He immediately drove to a gas station because he was almost out of gas. He was at a gas station, trying to use his ATM card, but his paycheck had not been approved for deposit. So he couldn’t pay to put gas in his tank. He then calls his bank and says, “Can you please just approve a little bit of my paycheck so that I can get gas in my tank?” And the young lady at the other end of the phone, tried to do that, couldn’t do that, the computer systems wouldn’t let her. But she said, “You know what, I’m going to take my break right now. And I’m going to drive to you and give you $20 to put gas in your tank.” She talked to her manager about it, the manager approved it and said, “Yes, let’s do this. Let’s help this man out.” She then drove 20 minutes from the bank she was at, to the gas station he was at.  When upper management at the bank found out, both the manager and this woman got fired. This is a moment where somebody said, I want to step out of my comfort zone, and I want to do something to help another person, which seems like the most natural thing that any of us could do. Yet in her case, she got fired.

However, the wonderful thing that happened in the story is that a credit union in Santa Rosa called her up and said, “Will you relocate to Santa Rosa, because we want to hire you.” So she got a job offer out of it.

The bottom line is that somehow, even if things don’t look good at first, when we put ourselves out there, life finds a way to also hold us. If we create a very one-pointed focus of, “We’re going to be that person. We’re not going to wait for someone else.” “We are going to step out of our comfort zone to help another.”  She could have said, “You know what he can ask for money from the gas station manager, he can ask anybody else that’s pumping gas. He could call his family.” Who knows what really happened on that phone call, but she took the initiative and said “today, it’s going to be me.”

We all need to take that initiative and say, “Today, it’s going to be me. Today, I am going to be the one that’s going to initiate friendship. I’m going to offer myself as a friend, to as many people as I can. Today, I am going to be the one that’s going to be the first to forgive anyone who I feel I haven’t forgiven. If I’m in some sort of tussle with somebody, and we’re both not talking, I’m going to be the one to initiate and offer forgiveness and reignite the friendship.”

“If I’m walking on a hiking trail, I’m going to be the first to greet someone, to look someone in the eye and smile and say hello. I am going to be the first to be generous. If someone needs something, and I have something I can provide, I’m going to offer it to them. I’m not even going to imagine that they have to ask me, if I see a need, I’m going to be the first to fill it. I want to be the first to love unconditionally anyway, no matter what. I want to be the first to forgive. I want to be the first to put myself out there. To say, ‘I’m here for you. I’m here because I want to be of service for you.’ I want to be the first to create a movement in this world, towards something different, something better, something more amazing, something incredibly beautiful.”

I want to remind each of you that there is a possibility of an extremely rich, fulfilling life that’s adventurous and wild and fun. That is based in love and peace.

At any moment when you say, “Oh, well, they didn’t talk to me. Oh well, they just ignored me.” Or “Yeah, nobody said hi to me.” The next time you say that, register, “Ah, that was a missed opportunity. I could have done something different.”

In order to make this happen, you have to be willing to put yourself out there. That means that you need to be willing to be vulnerable, and willing to express yourself, of course when appropriate, in a true and thoughtful manner. For example, when we’re meeting people, meeting new friends or going on a first date, imagine what it would be like to be able to just say, “Hey, this is who I am. This is where I’m at. And this is what I want to offer the world.”

That’s not so easy. We’re afraid of judgment, or some kind of negative reaction. Yet, if we’re going to make the impact that we want to, we’re going to have to be able to put ourselves out there. That could be in a variety of ways. In whatever field you’re in, whatever lifestyle you’re living, ask yourself, “How would that look to you? What is it that you haven’t been doing, that you’ve wanted to do, but you’ve been afraid to or held back doing it for some reason.” What would it be like just to put yourself out there and say, “Yes, I can be here, I can do this. I can offer this, or I can really talk about myself candidly and I can connect with people in a powerful way.”

In order to put ourselves out there, we literally have to shift our attention from rejection to some sort of observation, self-reflection and projection.

Next, don’t give up. So many things can happen to us in this world. All we have to do is look back at our childhood to see perhaps what mean kids did and said to us, that causes us as adults to shut down and to be disconnected. There’s so many moments and so many reasons why we would be afraid. As we start putting ourselves out there, let’s be honest, we may not get the most positive reaction back all the time. People may say mean things to us, they may not respond to us at all. However, if we keep going, then we become more comfortable with initiating contact and connection. We begin to see, as we become more comfortable, we will see that more people are responding to us, and creating beautiful, deep connections and relationships.

This is of such value. This is why we’re here. We are here to enjoy the beauty of this planet, for sure. We are here to know each other and ourselves deeply and to create such amazing experiences with each other, and connections with each other. Have you ever gone to a party or event that felt magical to you?  And for the rest of your life, you remember this magical party, or magical event. And when you try to remember it and look at it, you ask yourself what was so memorable about it? And you realize that it wasn’t really what was happening, it was the connection that people were having with each other, and that you were having with people.

Years ago when I was in mortgage banking, I had a person, a young lady, ask me to lunch. Even though she did not work in my department, we sat in the same general area. It was so wild because I was so focused on my work, in my world, that I first didn’t even register that she was sincerely asking me to lunch. I didn’t put any importance on it at all. I just kept telling her, no. But one particular week, she asked me out to lunch every single day. By Friday, I woke up, and I realized that somebody was knocking on my door and I was not answering, and that I was using the excuse of being busy and being focused on my work.  I was absolutely disconnected with, “Hey, there’s a person standing in front of you that wants to know you.” So I promised myself that the next time she asked me to lunch, I would say yes. Sure enough, the next day, she bravely asked me to lunch once again. I went out with her and we became best, best friends. One of the most dear friendships I’ve ever had.

This was simply because she was willing to put herself out there, get rejected and keep trying anyway. Years later, I was able to learn from her effort and created another friendship at another mortgage bank. I began asking this person to lunch.  I thought, “Okay, this is a very joyful person, a very cool person and I work with her. So let’s be friends.” And she consistently said no to me inviting her to lunch. I’m sure she was thinking some of the same things I had been thinking.  Then I thought, “Okay, she’s thinking that I’m stalking her and how should I handle this? Should I keep asking her to lunch?”

I decided I was going to ask her to lunch every day for a week. I thought if at the end of the week, she says no every day, I’m going to give up. By then she’s going to know that I’m offering my friendship to her. And if she doesn’t say yes, it’s okay.  After nearly an entire week, on that Friday, she said yes to lunch!

Again, I developed such a deep and amazing friendship, that if I had not made that effort, would never have unfolded. There are gems and diamonds and rubies and treasures around all of us. We have to be the treasure hunters and be willing to knock on those doors, try different keys, make those connections, by being the first and by putting ourselves out there.

Now in the next few weeks, I am going to talk a little bit more about the state of the world, what exactly is happening, and what our role is. I really want to emphasize that every single person’s efforts count, and they count now more than ever. Even if you’re at home, and you’re thinking a negative thought about someone, and something inside you says, “Hey, wait a minute, this is not what I want to put out in the world.” Bam, we’ve done our job. We’ve got some part of you, on your way to doing something different, to creating a shift in how you’re approaching the world. And it’s a win for this energy called Divine Love.

Every time you make any effort towards positivity, love, generosity, compassion, goodness, kindness, warmth in any way, this energy of positivity, and goodness and love and light is going to grow as a whole on this planet. I know that each of you out there is working hard. And I want you to know, that like the young lady in Portland who lost her job for making a positive effort, that if you stay grounded in your efforts, and stay grounded in your truth, to live from your heart, you too, will reap the benefits. You will see that the Divine will begin to bring support to you in various ways at various times.

Don’t give up. Put yourself out there. Be the first.

I love you so much. I appreciate you so much. I’m so grateful for you. I’m sending prayers for you to be strong and bold in your efforts to love. I love you.